Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue or Is Your Relationship Something Else?

Rebuzzed from the BuzzArcHives – December 2003 (approximately)

Brothers often challenge me on Principle IV: “Meet Our Brothers Where They Are”,  debating its ranking in the order of principles.  At first it was not included, then came in at number five.  Slowly it is making its way up the ranking.  But when I explain that the principles are ranked in random order and sisters are encouraged to arrange them in their order of importance, I still get strange looks.

Where to meet our brothers is always a hot topic. Any discussion we have amongst ourselves or in their company is normally reduced to be considered as male bashing.  It is not bashing, it is dialogue.  It is not as complex as which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Are we functioning without a blueprint when it comes to relationships?  Whether it is our relationship history,  our mothers not talking to us about the right, our fathers and brothers not being the perfect role models – something has the situation all jacked up.

Where we are today – we need a blueprint.  We need to call it out.  Where we are with relationships brings new meaning to “Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue”.  Or is your relationship something else? I want to flip it around a little bit.

Something Else

If I run into another sister or brother fishing for words to describe the person in their life, I am going to scream.  “He’s my significant other.” “She’s my lady, my girl, my baby mama.”  Want to know my response to those situations?  It’s usually “are you waiting for something better to come along?”  Everybody is waiting for the upgrade.  Why not be the upgrade.  Say it with me “I am the upgrade.”

You want a roommate, get a roommate. Don’t put somebody’s life on hold while you wait for the upgrade.  Don’t go half on a domain, a car and definitely not a kid.  Go all the way.

Something Blue

Get out now.  Be the upgrade.  Is there no one tell you this?  No relationship should leave you mentally or physically blue – not ever.  Don’t think you’re hiding it from your girlfriends, your fellas or your family.  Everybody knows when you have drama in your life.  People around you feel the highly charged emotions when you show up with your drama partner and worry about you when you don’t.  They have probably talked to you about it until you are blue in the face.  It’s ok to be blue in the face from embarrassment and ask for help, than to be blue in the face from abuse.  Stop being intimidated and get out.

Something New

What is this? Love is suppose to be color blind.  One of my best male friends asked my opinion of his dating “something new” at one of our regular dinner outings.  Today I still laugh out loud about it. (I just did).  It had to be the strangest conversation, but it made me look at what I really thought dating outside of my race.  I realized I’m not exactly an authority on the subject.  I say it is not something I would do, but who really knows until its in your face.  For me the subject is deeper on another level. However, I personally believe to date “something new”, you have to have the ability to look beyond race, which is the advice I gave to dude.   “Something in common” should trump “something new”.

Something Borrowed

You know where I’m going with this one.  I know we’ve got time to talk about “something borrowed” because if this is your relationship, you’re already in “wait” mode.  You’re waiting for a lie to become a truth.  Rather than speaking to you, I have to ask, how did you let a lie into your life.  What is the rationale behind allowing someone into your life who lies to you and to another?  Think about that.

Something Old

I love a sister or brother who invest their hearts in “something old.”  People who know they are the upgrade and offer themselves fully and entirely to another individual without compromising their morals, beliefs or their heart.  They accept nothing less.  Respecting themselves and their partners, “something old” offer as much as they desire.  They put themselves out there in the beginning in the right way and end up with the right one.

When you meet “something old”, you notice something different.  There’s no game to be played and they want to know the real you.  What’s important to “something old” is that you are important to you.  If you’re not up to par, you know immediately you need to move on.  You can’t convince “something old” to be “something borrowed” nor intimidate into “something blue” and they are not down for “something else”.

“Something old” knows their place in the universe and have priorities in place that protect their heart and yours.  “Something old” is the upgrade.  When you cross their path, you move Principles IV: (Meet Our Brothers Where They Are) around for all the right reasons.

Let’s Get Visible… DryerBuzz.com ArcHives

Rebuzzed from the BuzzArcHives – March 2006 (approximately)

It’s just three words, if you count the first as a contraction.  However it can be a motto to change our lives.  First let me thank my online sister in the game, Funnin (her screen name), for passing it along.  It came at the right time, a most perfect moment.  You could have guest that, because here I go with another Buzz to My Sisters.

Let’s Get Visible…meant to be used as an advertising campaign, takes on new meaning when we apply it to community, to our principles, and to our sisterhood.  Shortly after receiving the new proclamation, I started spreading the message around in my favorite groups, but stopped to ponder other ways we could use it.

When I started DryerBuzz.com, my desire was to provide visibility and that has not changed.  In some instances its been a wondrous experience, in other situations, I would equate it to pulling teeth.  Remembering one experience, I remember walking into a salon preparing for their grand opening and wanting to do a story and the sister asked me “If we let you do the story, what’s in it for you?”  OK.

Visibility is valuable, but I won’t delve too deep into the reasons we are so hidden.  But instead I’ll address those of us who recognize the importance of showing ourselves.  We need to be more visible.

Over the past few months of this new year, I’ve been involved in a campaign urging National Buy Black Days throughout the year.  With our recent effort on February 18, polls showed a great need for African American businesses to publicize their business.  Respondents to the call for action found it difficult to locate businesses in their communities and on the web.  To address this need and provide an opportunity for exposure, DryerBuzz.com in conjunction with National Buy Black Day committee, and in collaboration with BlackFind.com are launching a “Let’s Get Visible” campaign.

But what if we took the initiative further, into our schools, churches, workplaces, and organizations. Our children’s education being a primary issue, what if a teacher with 25 students had the support of 25 parents or better yet 50.  Would not the accountability, not to mention productivity level increase dramatically for the teacher, the student and the parents.

Of course that would mean two parents per student to achieve 50, again yet another visibility issue.  What if absentee parents took on the notion of “Let’s Get Visible” and decided to be there regardless, in any way they can.  Can you not feel the relief already?

What if politicians adopted the theme before, during, and most importantly, after elections as should constituents.  Ok, that one could be a stretch for now.  But we can start small.

Here’s a small step. The other stay when the warm weather rolled through, I placed a chair on my front porch.  While sitting there, I inhaled during a warm breeze and suddenly I was transported to summers of my youth.  I remember my grandparents front porch and my grandfather sitting there.  Everyday he was visible on that porch and when he was nothing happened – ever.

We’ll I’m about to get visible in my chair on our porch.  When I come back in, I have an appointment with a sister ready to get visible on the web.  Afterwards I’ll see how far I can spread the buzz.  Let’s get visible…